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Gilmore Girls! Hurrah! I'm tired, so here's the recap:

We open in Lorelai’s living room. She’s sleeping on the couch, because of the bedroom construction happenings, and she gets up and goes into the kitchen, followed by Paul Anka who jumps up onto one of the chairs at the kitchen table. Not scared of chairs, then? Or tables? Good! Lorelai gets out a tray and spreads Pop-Tarts on it, puts out donuts and bagels and many cups of coffee…and at this point I’m wondering exactly how much of a Rory replacement she expects Paul Anka to be, anyway, but then she goes outside and calls to the construction workers that it’s breakfast time! Ah, it’s for them! Got it…moving on! The guys come inside and chow down, and Lorelai reminds them that if they want to pet Paul Anka, they have to use their non-watch hand because watches freak him out and cause him to jump on the counter and kick her formerly-working toaster across the room. Everyone got it? Paul Anka doesn’t like watches. Ok? Ok. Luke comes in with muffins, and starts complaining about the construction workers and Paul Anka sitting at the table. He says that Paul Anka has fleas and malaria. Wow, sure bringing down the mood, there, Luke.

Luke and Lorelai head outside where TJ is issuing nonsensical orders to the workmen. Tom follows behind him and issues the real orders. Apparently, Luke and Lorelai are letting TJ think that he’s the contractor, and are paying him a contractor’s salary to do nothing, and they are paying Tom 10% more to be the actual contractor and pretend that he’s not. We also find out that TJ is very proud of his silver hard hat and that he polishes it every night….with silver polish. Wow, TJ must be missing some of the same chromosomes as Kirk! Although, he hasn’t been naked yet, so I guess that falls under the category of “small kindnesses.” Lorelai explains that TJ is family. Luke responds to this with a sullen “Just ‘cause Liz married him.” Lorelai goes on to explain that this makes TJ happy, which will make Liz happy, which will make Luke happy, which makes Lorelai happy. Which will make the whole world happy. I know, I’m ready to break into song too.

Lorelai then explains that she’s going over to Babette’s to shower. Why, you ask? Because TJ sent a bunch of workmen upstairs when she was showering yesterday and they all saw her naked. Luke does not take this very well, but Lorelai explains that it’s not a big deal and she’ll shower at Babette’s house from now on and that no one will see the goods but him. This mollifies him somewhat. Just then, a stocky workman (who we all agreed is probably the one nicknamed ‘Slim’) comes past Luke and gives him an exaggerated wink. Luke does not wink back. Opening credits.

Mansion de Gilmore. Emily and Rory are having breakfast. Emily is going into conniptions over her breakfast blueberries that have turned red. Rory: “They’re raspberries.” Emily tries to say that the box said they were blueberries, but Rory sticks up for the help and tries to defuse Emily. Wow, her hair is very…That Girl today. Tall and flippy. Emily then reads something that criticizes the DAR office foliage. We find out that Emily is the president of her local chapter of the DAR and has a rival named Constance who is going to run against her. Rory explains that Emily has her on the inside now and she will keep an eye on Constance. Emily is thrilled, and decides that she loves raspberries.

We cut to Rory doing her road crew thing again, and apparently she is much more involved and leader-y now. She condescends to everyone, sucks up to the authority figures and they all fawn over her. Lovely. One of the girls invites her out afterward and we also find out that she’s doing a stint of community service at the nursing home. Ugh. Stupid Rory.

The Dragonfly. Paris is having lunch with Lorelai and explaining her situation with Doyle. Lorelai looks like she wants to take her fork and stab herself with it to escape from Paris. She checks the watch of a passing waiter, and Paris freaks out about what to wear to bed. She nixes nightgowns, camisoles and T-shirts, and warms up to the completely naked option. Then, she says that she’s starting to fade, and Lorelai pounces and says that she is too, they make plans for next Tuesday and Paris leaves. Lorelai goes into the kitchen where Michel is hiding from Paris. Sookie hates Paris also, because she sends back food and writes lists as to what she didn’t like about the food. Michel calls her “Tokyo Rose”. Sookie’s hair is awful. It’s all mousy and plain and straight and bang-y. Michel says that Paris made fun of him and called him Canadian. Hee…and Yanic Truesdale, who plays Michel, is actually Canadian, which makes it better. Sookie explains that they don’t have time for Paris’s drama because they have a wedding coming up at the Dragonfly and they need to get planning. Which awkwardly segues into Sookie asking Lorelai if she and Luke have set a date yet. Lorelai explains that they haven’t set a date yet, and Sookie says that she already had Michel black out all of July of next year because she figured them for an outdoorsy summer wedding. Hello, Sookie! Do you not even know Lorelai? She has to get married in the snow! The snow! The best things in her life happen in the snow! I swear, if they don’t have a winter snow wedding for Lorelai, I will shoot Amy Sherman-Palladino myself. Grrrrrr….ok, back to our regularly scheduled programming. Lorelai tells Michel to “un-black out July”, and he starts to gloat about how he knew she wasn’t getting married. Sookie jumps in with the anti-Lorelai talk, and Lorelai exasperatedly explains that she will be getting married. She apparently has to explain to Sookie that she has a construction crew at her house and a destroyed bedroom and that as soon as things calm down, she and Luke will talk and set the date. Michel leaves, and then scurries back in crying “She’s back! She’s back!” They deduce that Paris is coming back, and Michel thinks she forgot her “phone, or her spellbook.” Lorelai stalls in the kitchen, finishing her coffee.

The DAR. Rory answers the phone to a Mrs. Tarkington and explains to her that she has to have authentication, preferably notarized, that she is related to a Revolutionary War patriot in order to join the Daughters of the American Revolution. Unfortunately, even if her great-uncle Nate swore on her aunt Kissy’s grave that it was so, that don’t cut it with the DAR. Emily creeps in and waves at her Mini-Me. Rory tells Mrs. Tarkington to hold, and then hangs up on her. Seriously, she didn’t push a hold button of any kind, she just hangs up the phone. Rory tells Emily that she has some gossip and Emily is ecstatic. Rory explains that she and the girls were having lunch and she was asking about Constance. One of the girls, Julia, said that she was with Constance in the office one day, and Constance tripped and her Altoids box fell out of her purse and popped open, spilling the contents of a pharmacy. Constance claimed they were vitamins, but since she immediately dropped on top of them and tried to hide them with her body, no one really bought it. Emily is thrilled because a cover-up is exactly what brought Nixon down. She says that she loves having a mole. Rory’s cell phone rings and Emily leaves. It’s Paris, who tells Rory that her “hard-to-reach thing is getting old.” Paris tells Rory that she has to put down the deposit on their off-campus place today. Rory tells Paris that she’s not moving in with them because she’s not going back to school. Paris scoffs at the idea of Rory not going back to school and asks her if it’s because of the boat. Rory wonders how Paris knows about the boat. Paris read it on Rebecca Thurston’s blog, and when Rory questions that, Paris explains that the boat they stole belonged to Dr. Daniel Zimmerman, whose son is Jason Zimmerman, who Rebecca Thurston had sex with on the boat last semester. Rory can’t believe she’s in the blogosphere. Yeah, and so not in a good way, Rory. Paris tells her to google “Rory Gilmore sex boat” and find out for herself. Rory is not too thrilled with this. Paris tries again to get Rory back in school, and Rory doesn’t want to hear it and they hang up.

Lorelai’s house. Luke knocks on the door a few times and when he gets no answer, comes in to find Lorelai and Paul Anka entertaining the construction crew. Luke is concerned about the open paint cans on the porch. Lorelai assures him that they’ll get to them, and shows him the new trick she taught Paul Anka. Lorelai: “Pizza!” Paul Anka barks. Lorelai: “Pizza, pizza!” He barks twice. Lorelai: “Salad!” Silence. It’s really quite funny, and Paul Anka is truly Lorelai’s dog now. Lorelai and Luke go into the kitchen and Luke doesn’t understand why she’s putting on a USO show for them. Tom is in the kitchen and Luke asks him if other clients feed their construction crews breakfast and lunch and buy them pizza and beer. Tom says no, and asks if they want to enlarge the kitchen. He tells them they can have a double oven, or a sub-zero freezer, and maybe Lorelai will want to throw dinner parties or cook home-cooked meals for holidays. Lorelai: “The strange man is scaring me.” Ha. Luke explains that they can leave the kitchen the way it is.

TJ walks in, looking accomplished. He’s back from his quest to retrieve the Mystic Hammer for Tom. Tom explains the beauty of the Mystic Hammer: “It looks the same, but it’s completely different.” TJ discovers Rory’s room and wants to knock out the wall and make a huge kitchen. When Luke nixes that idea, TJ wants to turn Rory’s room into a pork smoker room. He goes into detail with sides of pork hanging everywhere until Lorelai snaps and tells him to leave the room alone, and leaves. TJ: “What…is she Jewish?” Ba dum dum.

Some Auditorium. Lane and the band are playing, and Zach seems to have grown a beard. Lovely. Elizabeth starts giggling and toe-curling next to me at the sight of Sebastian Bach. SIGH. They finish their set, and Zach gives shout-outs to Pastor Tim for letting them rock the gym there. They also thank the decoration committee for making the AV room look cool, and the community for taking them in. Wow, Zach’s softened out on the road. They reintroduce themselves as “Hep Alien” and leave the stage. Gil says that “if that pretentious little snot in Coldplay can walk around comparing himself to Bono, we can compare ourselves to the Foo Fighters.” Right on, Gil. We find out that it’s the last night of their first tour and they are about ready to head home.

The Dragonfly kitchen. Sookie unveils the cake for the wedding they’re having at the Inn. Ready? It’s a dark chocolate s’mores wedding cake. Yum. Just replace the dark chocolate with milk chocolate, and I am so there. Lorelai says that Sookie must have been reading her diary. Sookie explains that it was in her dream, and also that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise leapt out of it, calling it “Amaaaaaazing” which made it a little creepy, but still, great cake! Lorelai admires the little marshmallow bride and groom on top. Sookie asks if Lorelai likes it and Lorelai calls her “Captain Ahab”. Sookie starts in on the wedding-date-setting again, and Lorelai assures her that she is committed, and that Sookie should be. Committed, that is. Sookie says that she just wants Lorelai’s wedding to be perfect, and Lorelai cracks that she wants one of the disastrous weddings, where they “lose both rings, minutes before the ceremony, and I get a nosebleed as I’m walking down the aisle, and later at the reception, Luke is found in the coat check room Jude Law-ing it with one of the bridesmaids.” Yeah, Lorelai? I so want to use the phrase “Jude Law-ing it” in conversation now.

Michel walks in and says that the wedding party will not be arriving until midnight and someone will have to be at the Inn to greet them. Michel: “I would do it, but I don’t want to.” I love Michel. Lorelai volunteers to meet the wedding party at midnight. Suddenly, Michel freezes. Lorelai and Sookie want to know what’s wrong. Michel: “Did you feel that? An icy chill…as if something sinister was approaching.” He then hums the theme music for the Wicked Witch of the West from Wizard of Oz. And I laugh out loud, because he does it perfectly. Lorelai: “Gee, Michel, is Paris here?” She was coming up the walk when he fled. Lorelai explains to Sookie that she is going to “break up” with Paris, so Sookie grudgingly says she will make them grilled chicken and fries. Lorelai thanks her and walks into the dining room to meet Paris, as the entire wait staff flees past her into the kitchen.

Paris talks to Lorelai about having to interview roommates, and Lorelai says that Paris must be really busy. She apologizes for dragging Paris out to Stars Hollow for their lunches and Paris tells her not to worry. Lorelai offers to cut back or cut out on the lunchs, whatever Paris needs. How self-sacrificial of you, Lorelai. Gee, I’m touched. Paris is mad because this is all Rory’s fault, and mentions how she called Rory at her office. Lorelai is stunned and wants to know what and where this office is Rory’s working at. Paris says she thinks she heard a fax machine. Lorelai starts to pump Paris for info on where this office might be based on any traffic sounds, and Paris thinks Lorelai has only been having lunch with her to get information about Rory. Paris starts to leave, and Lorelai apologizes and begs her to stay. Ha. Knew that wouldn’t work, Lorelai. Lorelai offers the chicken, and Paris accepts, “if it’s not too dry.” Paris then informs Lorelai that the service at her inn sucks. Thanks, Paris.

Some Nursing Home. Rory is now condescending to the elderly. They are dancing to a record and she unfeelingly tells them she can get it for them on CD. They all laugh at her, and rightly so. Logan comes in, back from his adventures in Europe. Rory adjourns the dancing for cake and punch, and goes back to talking to Logan. He asks if she is Arthur Murray now, and she explains that the regular dance supervisor is sick and she’s filling in. Her job is to make sure nobody falls down. What if they do? Rory: “That’s what the panic button is for!” I have to say, I giggled a little at that. Does that make me a bad person? Whatever. Logan kisses her and she manages to both kiss him back and shrink away from him at the same time. She really doesn’t look comfortable there. Ouch.

We cut to the poolhouse, where Rory is clad only in a large shirt (his?), and Logan is swaddled in a blanket on the couch. Rory asks Logan about the Europe exploits, and he shows her pictures of them on the train, shoving carrot sticks up one another’s nose, and then we get to the good part. They went to Gloucestershire, England, (Did I spell that right, Eliza?) for the cheese rolling festival. Yes, they roll wheels of cheese down hills and run alongside them. Sounds like the perfect activity for Logan, Colin and Finn. She wants to know how you win. Logan tells her that there are no winners or losers at the Gloucestershire Cheese-Rolling Festival. Rory: “Well, there sure aren’t any winners!” Ha. Gah, Rory, stop making me laugh. Then we discover that Colin met a milkmaid in Holland and fell in love with her, followed her to Amsterdam and has been there ever since. Logan says they hope he comes back before….he trails off and Rory has to guess, finishing with “before school starts?” Logan says he didn’t want to mention school to her, and Rory explains that Yale was an important chapter in her life, and that she’s moved on. Logan looks highly uncomfortable with the anti-school talk and asks her to meet him at Yale for lunch. She can’t, because she has her DAR induction luncheon, so she agrees to meet him for breakfast. Logan admires the poolhouse, and Rory says that he hasn’t even seen the bedroom yet. Logan takes this comment the way we all would, and braces himself for a second round. Ewwwww. Rory tries to explain, halfheartedly, that that’s not what she meant. Then, she gives up and follows him into the bedroom. *shudder*

A gas station. The band is filling up “Martha”, the VW van. Zach is creeped out that Gil named the van. Gil is mesmerized by the spinning numbers on the gas pump. Zach and Brian are getting stir-crazy and cramped in the van. Lane explains that they’re an hour out of Stars Hollow. Gil gets into the van, starts the van, and tells everyone to lean forward. They’re off! And very weak from hunger, apparently. Lane asks everyone what they’ll do first when they get home. Gil’s is my favorite: “Wash my hair, hug the kids, set them up in front of the Harry Potter movie and then do my wife for like an HOUR!” Hee…then Lane explains that she’s been keeping something from them. Since they’ve been scrimping and saving this whole time, and she had control of the money, she didn’t tell them how much they were really bringing in, so they walked away with $9,000! They are not amused. Gil explains that he’s been washing his hair with bar soap. Then, she explains that they can use it to record a CD. This wins them over and they head towards home.

Lorelai’s house. She walks up to Luke and Tom and Tom explains that they hit a water pipe so Lorelai decides to move in with Luke for a bit. She explains that she has to pack and walk Paul Anka because she has to meet the wedding party at the inn at midnight. Luke offers to pack, and she refuses, saying the last time she let him pack she got 4 bras and no pants. He smirks and says it could have been intentional. She says she’ll pack, and then says she has to figure out what to do with Paul Anka. She rambles on and says that she could leave him there, which would start him howling, or she could drop him off at the kennel 20 miles away which means she would have to get some dilithium crystals for the warp drive in the Jeep (Hee! Star Trek reference!), but when she goes back they’ll be closed so she’ll have to break in so she should put a nail file in her shoe…she breaks off and asks Luke how much longer she has to do this! Luke: “I just wanted to see how long you’d go on!” With the adorable smirk. Luke says he’ll take Paul Anka home with him and gives her points for the dilithium crystal reference. Lorelai: “Well, when you sleep with geeks…”

TJ walks up, and he’s perturbed because he talked to a contractor friend and finds out that contractors do not fetch lunch and are allowed to do things and order things and that there is no such thing as a Mystic Hammer. TJ figures out that he’s not really the contractor. Tom tries to say that they got him out of the house and he didn’t hurt himself, and TJ quits and walks off, but not after handing out the food correctly. Hee. Tom calls the dinner break. We cut to the diner where TJ is on his fourth milkshake of depression. TJ doesn’t think he has a future. Luke bucks him up by praising the shelves and calls him a craftsman. TJ: “Wow. I’m a craftsman. Like Jesus!” I snorted out loud when he said that. Luke: “Uh, yeah. You’re exactly like Jesus, that was my point.” I love Luke so much. TJ has found new purpose: “I’m a craftsman who builds shelves like Jesus.” Luke escorts him out, eyes perpetually rolling. Yeah, mine too.

Luke goes upstairs and Paul Anka is lying on the floor. Luke discovers his groceries lying all over, and grumbles at Paul Anka. Then, he finds a torn-open bag of baking chocolate and his mood immediately shifts to “Ohhh no…”. Apparently chocolate can be lethal to dogs and they’re not supposed to eat it. Hey, I’ve never had a dog…I don’t know these things. Luckily, I was sitting next to someone whose parents bred dogs and she was able to fill me in. Once Luke realizes what happened, he immediately takes off his watch (because Paul Anka is scared of watches!!), smells the dog’s breath, and picks him up and runs down the street with him. He pounds on a door, and a guy answers. Luke explains hurriedly that the dog ate chocolate, and he doesn’t know a lot about dogs but he knows they’re not supposed to eat chocolate (hey, more than me!) and that he went to the animal hospital and they were closed but he called Babette and she told him where the doctor lived. Who, I’m assuming, is the man whose house Luke is standing in front of. Luke: “You gotta do something, because this is not my dog! This is my fiancee’s dog! She loves him! She named him Paul Anka, which on the surface may not seem like a sign of love, but if you knew her, you’d get it, and believe me, there are a lot of ways I could screw up this relationship but I cannot lose her over the fact that I killed her dog!” The doctor beckons Luke and Paul Anka inside. Awwwwww! I teared up during that scene, because I am a romantic and a wuss. And Luke is great.

Yale. The pub. Rory and Logan are eating breakfast, I assume, and Rory is regaling Logan with the thrilling tales of her community service exploits. She says she’s done 125 hours, so she has 175 left, and she has a candy-striper job starting next week so she can get up to her goal. Logan looks amused and bored. He has to go talk to his faculty advisor about his goals for the year, so he leaves, and Rory sits by herself for a while.

Morning, Luke’s apartment. Luke wakes up and gets out of bed, goes over to the kitchen and sighs, pouring himself a glass of water. When Lorelai can’t feel him next to her, she wakes up immediately. Luke tells her to go to sleep, but she says she likes to watch him hydrate. Lorelai asks how it went with Paul Anka. Luke explains that he ate 3 ½ pounds of unsweetened baking chocolate so he rushed him to the vet, at his house, and the vet forced some sort of vomit-inducing pill down Paul Anka’s throat, and Paul Anka threw up for an hour and a half and then Luke had to hold a bowl of water under his nose to make sure he was rehydrating properly. Then, he chocolate-proofed the apartment and the diner so it will never happen again, and now he’s going to go downstairs and make Paul Anka some scrambled eggs because kibble would be hard on his stomach. He asks Lorelai if Paul Anka has any particular fear of cheddar cheese. Lauren Graham’s expressions during this speech are awesome, by the way. She’s horrified at what happened, and mortified that Luke had to do what he did for her dog, and so grateful, and you can see the love in her eyes. When he’s done, she tells him that she doesn’t want to set a wedding date until things are right with Rory. Which means, “I love you so much and if things were perfect with Rory I would want to run away with you tonight and marry you, but I can’t because she should be a part of it, so the only reason I am not marrying you right now is because I need to make things right with my daughter first.” Luke says okay, and asks: “So, the cheddar is…?” Lorelai: “Ok.” Which means, “So we’re…?” Lorelai: “Ok.” She got what he said, he got what she said, they know it and they’re talking and it’s wonderful!

Yale. Rory stands outside, watching the new freshman class getting their orientation. She looks wistful, and then we cut to the DAR induction luncheon, where Rory is all suit-y and Audrey Hepburn-y, standing alongside the other inductees to the DAR. Rory does not look happy at all with this. Which is hopefully the first step toward reconciliation.

Next week: Sookie asks Lorelai and Rory to be godmothers to her children, and apparently after not speaking for months, they fight in church and refuse to renounce Satan. See you all next week!