megotelek

Yay!! New Gilmore Girls! And now I have a group to watch it with! My girlfriends from work were partially addicted so I got them the rest of the way there, and we had a premiere party to watch it! Here we go:

Ok. So we go through pretty much the entire season 5 finale in the “Previously on…” and cut right into the premiere from Lorelai popping the question. Lorelai: “Luke, will you marry me?” Luke: “What?” Lorelai stands up. “Luke, will you – ” Luke: (really quickly) “Yes.” Lorelai: “Well, you don’t have to answer so quick-” Luke: (cutting her off) “Yes.” Lorelai: “Well, you can take a minute to – ” Luke: “No.” Hee…I love it! Luke says yes!! I mean, we all knew he would…but it wasn’t interrupted by Naked!Kirk or anything! Yes!!! Ok, squeeing over. (well, for now!) Lorelai then summarizes the situation: “We’re getting married, Luke. Married. You and me. Luke ‘Table for one’ Danes and Lorelai ‘I’m sorry, can I get an industrial forklift for my emotional baggage’ Gilmore.” And then I giggled a lot. Because yes, I’m three. They decide to toast, but Luke doesn’t have any alcohol. So Lorelai grabs Luke’s hand and says, “Let’s go.” Luke: “Where?” Lorelai: “To Funkytown.” Luke tries to stop her and she panics, all “How did I screw it up so fast?” Awww…Vulnerable!Lorelai….I love her when she shows up!

They head outside and across the square. We cut to Kirk at the first aid station for the bike race, massaging a biker’s leg. Kirk asks the biker if he’s doing it right. The biker, understandably, looks panicked and says, “What?!” Kirk says, “Never mind.” And continues rubbing the guy’s leg. Oooh-kay…cut away from Kirk now, please. We go to Taylor, who is ready to pack it in for the bike race. He turns to some woman named Maggie and tells her to pack everything up. She says that the winners haven’t gotten their trophies yet. He tells her that it doesn’t matter, because there isn’t anyone here to see the winners get their trophies except for the losers, who couldn’t give a “rat’s tushie” whether or not the winners actually receive their trophies. Finally, he grabs the 1^st place trophy, calls out for the guy that came in first, and tosses him the trophy. “Second place?” Tosses trophy. “Third place?” He doesn’t wait for an answer and just tosses it to a guy. The guy says he didn’t come in third. Taylor’s answer: “Rat’s tushie, party of one!” We laughed SO hard at that line. Ah, Taylor. He then sees Luke and Lorelai trying to get into the market and goes over to them.

He asks them what they want, and Lorelai immediately tells him that she and Luke are engaged! Taylor is shocked, and happy, and says that he thought there was a better chance of all 4 Beatles getting back together than “you two calming down enough to get engaged.” Lovely. Lorelai asks him to open the store so they can get something to toast this moment with. “Alcoholic?” Taylor asks. “Yes,” Lorelai says. Taylor tries to take Lorelai aside and starts in with, “Now, if you feel you need to be drunk to be with him…” Luke cuts him off and asks him to please open the store so they can get something to toast with! Yes, please! We want a toast! And a kiss! Taylor opens the store and points Lorelai to the $5.99 champagne. She’s skeptical, but Taylor remembers that he might have a case of Zima in the back. Lorelai perks up and gets very very excited about this news. “Luuke! He’s got Zima in the back, he’s got Zima in the back!” all high pitched and excited and jumping up and down. Luke is taking it like…well, Luke, all tolerant and rubbing her back (rowr!). Taylor brings out the Zima and Luke takes it. Taylor knocks off the tax, because that’s just the kind of guy he is, hopeless romantic…and Lorelai says she knows the perfect spot for a toast. She walks across the square, and Luke asks where she’s going. “Is it far?” he asks. “Depends on who’s asking,” says she. “The guy with a case of chick beer under his arm.” BWAH! Chick beer…yup, that’s Zima!

They get to the gazebo and Lorelai shoos the bikers out of the gazebo. Luke gets two Zimas out, opens them and they toast to their engagement. They move in for a kiss, and….everything goes black. Taylor apparently hit the kill switch for all the electricity in town. They ask him to turn the lights back on, he does, and they kiss….and sway…and kiss….and we pull back out of the gazebo, still kissing…*sigh*.

Opening credits. They’ve added new clips of Lorelai, Rory, Lorelai/Rory, Lorelai/Rory/Luke (!), and one of Richard at his bachelor party. Scott Patterson and Matt Czuhrrrrzzyzy (however you spell it, LOGAN) has been added to the opening credits. I guess that means he’s sticking around.

Ok, we come back to Lorelai and Luke, post-coital, at Luke’s house. Lorelai is almost asleep, murmuring about how his mattress is much more comfortable now and can they drink Zima and have sex every single night? Yes! The answer is, say it with me, Luke, YES. Y.E.S. More of that and less of the exploits of Bimbo!Rory, who I cannot stand. Rargh! Ok, back to Lorelai and Luke. Luke starts talking about the “What about the kids?” comment and how he isn’t laying out a “mandate” for kids, and how he is cool with kids but at her pace. Then he says that he bought Twickham house but doesn’t have it anymore but can probably get it back. And they could fill it up with kids…or furniture…or plants. He asks her if it’s really happening. She smiles and says “Yes…it’s really happening.” They both smile. AWWW! Then it hits her. She wakes up and says “You bought a house without telling me?” Heee… “A house full of kids?” Then she pleads with Luke not to make life-changing decisions without consulting her again. DUH, Luke. Then she sinks down, smiles, and says, “Kids would be good.” And he smiles really, really broadly. AWWWWWWWWW! I get all warm and fuzzy and giggle softly to myself. The other girls I’m watching the premiere with are doing much the same thing.

The next day. Luke’s Diner. He hands a plate of blueberry pancakes to a customer who says he didn’t order blueberries. Luke replies, “Antioxidants are on the house today!” I love Luke. So much. Then he refills coffee and is all smiley and chatty and calls people by name, it’s really sweet. “What d’ya say, cup of joe, Joe?” Hah! Then, Babette and Miss Patty come in looking for the scoop on the engagement. They want to hear how Luke proposed! Luke admits that he didn’t, Lorelai proposed. The girls look disappointed. (WHAT?) Babette says mournfully, “You went…modern.” (WHAT?!?!?) Then they’re disappointed in him for some reason and it’s like he lost his manhood by not proposing to Lorelai. Never mind that it means so much more coming from her than it would have from him. Never mind that she is finally able to let her guard down and be that vulnerable because she really wants him to be the ONE. Never mind….aw, forget it. For now.

Town Square. The Troubadour. Singing about a “special one-time deal on a pre-owned heart.” Ummm-kay. Elizabeth then started trying to bury her head under a pillow because she cannot STAND the Troubadour. I don’t mind him, but I don’t particularly like him either. So, blah blah singing blah. Lorelai walks past him and sees a realtor putting up a “For Sale” sign at the Twickham house. She walks up and gets a flyer. The realtor lady tells her that it’s a great house for kids. Lorelai looks disgusted and says, “Oh no, not you too!” And we were like, what the…? Didn’t she just tell Luke that kids would be good? I heart Lorelai’s white jacket. A lot. Her cell phone rings, and it’s Richard. He’s calling to discuss Rory’s court appearance and her lawyer. Apparently the lawyer (family friend) is coming over to the elder Gilmores’ house to discuss the case. Lorelai tries to explain that she will not be involved, as it seems that Richard and Emily have it “covered.” Go Lorelai! Richard seems upset and confused by this, because he has no idea who his daughter is or why she would be hurt by the whole Rory-moving-in-with-them-and-abandoning-school thing. Huh, go figure.

Commercials. Flightplan looks creepy. Why are all of Jodie Foster’s movies creepy recently? Or is it just me? Anyway, back to our regularly scheduled recap.

We come back from commercial to Rory asleep in the poolhouse. Emily bustles in and makes all sorts of exclamations about how on earth Rory could still be asleep at 8:30 in the morning! Jab, jab. Welcome to Emily-land, Rory. Enjoy your stay. Ha. Emily: “Do you want Hosanna to draw you a bath?” Rory: “No.” Emily: “Hosanna, draw my granddaughter a bath!” Yup. Saw that coming. Emily bustles around and says she’s going to redecorate for Rory and she needs to get ready and there’s coffee and pastries out in the living room. We go out into the living room. Geez, it’s like a whole Holiday Inn continental breakfast spread out there! Emily has some things for Rory: key to the main house, key to the poolhouse, key to the garage. Security alarm code, password, and number to the security company. Here’s where it gets great: “Now, the code to the panic room is…*whispered* one, one, one, one, one.” I laughed out loud…she’s whispering it like it’s some big government secret or something! Then she advises Rory not to tell it to the maid because they tell their children who grow up and rob you. My, it must be difficult to live in Emily’s world of paranoia.

Emily asks Rory if she has any more stuff, and Rory reluctantly admits that she has a lot more stuff… “at Mom’s.” Emily says that she’ll take care of it, and shoves Rory toward the danish. Mmm…danish. To celebrate Gilmore Girls premiere day, we got coffee and cherry danishes for breakfast. And for dinner, we had an appetizer plate of marshmallows, Pop-Tarts, Twinkies and strawberry cupcakes, another plate of Triscuits and spray cheese and tater tots on toothpicks, and a main course of Chinese food and pizza. Oh, and the Red Vines and Twizzlers. There were…uh…three of us. Yup. Lots and LOTS of food. And we took pictures of the table! Ok, so then Rory asks about Lorelai’s reaction to what Emily and Richard told them last night. She wants to know if she was mad. Um, Rory? Spineless twit? You went behind your mother’s back and then you don’t even confront her or talk to her afterward? You want to know if she was mad? Emily says that she was herself, so “dramatic.”

Then Richard calls them on the intercom (Intercom? When did they install an intercom?) and says that Charlie, the lawyer, is there. And they jab Rory some more for “sleeping in”. Ha! And then Emily compares the intercom to Star Trek. Uh huh. We cut inside to Rory’s meeting with Richard and Charlie Davenport, the lawyer, who are swapping stories about how this lawyer can get you off for anything! Richard gloats about how many truly guilty criminals the man has put back on the street. Wow, really not liking Richard at all right now. Rory looks slightly upset, but not nearly as much as she should. In fact, she looks impressed. She likes the fact that this crooked lawyer can get her off. They talk about how they will arrange a plea bargain and she’ll get 10 hours of community service, tops. Rory agrees, and is happy about all of this crooked dealing. Gah…I hate Rory now. Shut up, Rory!

Rory goes back into the poolhouse and pauses. We pan around to see that everything not nailed down is gone. Bare, empty poolhouse. Except for…three chairs that have notes saying “Sit on me” taped to them. She looks at the chairs, cocks her head as if to say, why not? And sits down on the middle one. The ugliest of the three, if you ask me.

Next day, Rory goes into her bedroom and puts on the cutest white jacket! Paris comes in with a stern “You live here?” Then she explains that she’s spent months meeting Doyle’s family, and that he’s the tallest one of the bunch. “A family get-together is like a Lollipop Guild convention.” I love Paris. Then she tells Rory that she and Doyle have decided to move in together to a duplex near campus and she wants to know if Rory wants to move in with them. Rory drops the bomb, and tells Paris she’s not going back to Yale. “You’re pregnant!” Paris says. “Sick? You look pale.” Rory tells her none of that is true, and Paris starts freaking out. “What happened? Something must have happened!” Rory tells her nothing happened and then tells the funniest joke! “I’m a grownup. I’m independent!” Independent!! Rory, I don’t know if you realize this, but mooching off your grandparents and living in their swanky poolhouse is not exactly independent. Paris scowls and says she knows what this is about. Rory blows her off again and tells her to leave. Logan comes in and kisses Rory. Paris scowls harder, walks past Logan, and growls, “YOU!” at him. I LOVE PARIS. Logan and Rory start to walk out, and he looks around and says, “Did you get robbed?” Rory starts to answer, but then shakes her head, mumbles, and they leave. Hee. I like Logan. I can’t help it.

Luke’s Diner. He’s wrestling with the cash register, and Kirk comes in with a metal briefcase thing. He’s here to sell Luke a ring for Lorelai! After he does his spiel about how Lorelai proposing “steals” the moment from him and how he doesn’t plan on letting Lulu propose to him, he shows Luke the rings. Luke asks if they’re real. They are. Apparently, Kirk gets “friendly” with older women and gets their jewelry when they die. Ewww. Although, Kirk is fully clothed, so I will just let it go by. Luke finds a ring that “looks like Lorelai,” and buys it from Kirk. Oh, dear god. There are so many things wrong with that…I cannot begin…

Rory and Logan are going to dinner. Rory doesn’t believe that Logan wants a quiet dinner, because the last time he felt “mellow” he had a fever of 104 and still, they were club-hopping for an hour before he fainted. Sorry, men don’t faint, they pass out. They get to the restaurant and all of Logan’s friends are there in full-on prison black-and-white striped garb, throwing Rory a “felon party.” Complete with singing “For She’s a Jolly Good Felon.” I couldn’t help giggling at that. We cut to Luke, downstairs in Lorelai’s house, waiting for her to get dressed. Luke: “I’m starving!” Lorelai: “Watch TV.” Luke: “How is that a response to ‘I’m starving’?” I love it when they banter. It’s great. There’s a knock on the door. It’s Paris, frantic and not remembering Luke at all. She calls for Lorelai. Lorelai comes down and Paris starts ranting about how Rory’s quitting school, and it’s all because of Logan, and how could Lorelai let this happen? She basically repeats Luke’s speech from last season, about how they should kidnap her and make Rory listen to her mother, and Luke is proud because someone agrees with him, even if it’s Paris. He says, “Hey, my suggestion first!” Then, Paris explains: Rory is her pace car and keeps her motivated. She needs Rory to push her. Lorelai explains that Paris is very smart and driven and can be anything she wants, “except a diplomat,” (hee!) and that she doesn’t need Rory to push her. Paris breaks down a little more and says that Rory is her only friend. Then Lorelai does something stupid. She says that Paris can always call her and gives her her cell phone number! Oh wow, I cannot wait for that to backfire on her! Luke gets it right: “Did you give her your real cell number?”

Luke and Lorelai walk into the kitchen and Luke tries to talk Lorelai into interfering with Rory again. Lorelai explains that Rory has said she’s a grownup and wants to make her own decisions, now Lorelai has to let her live with the decisions she makes. “Tough love, baby!” Yay! Go Lorelai! We cut to the felon party, and Finn and Colin are trying to one-up each other on “laziest person who is enrolled at Yale but doesn’t actually attend Yale”. They hail Logan as the king of the sloths. “Logan has a talent for doing nothing that cannot be matched by man or…actual sloth.” Hee…Colin was funny! And Logan looks really uncomfortable with the conversation. Rory says that she wants the “queen of the sloths” crown this year, and Colin and Finn toast her, and go off to make the rounds. Rory wonders how ice cream would taste in her beer. Ewww. Logan turns to her and gives her one month before she’s back in school. Why? “You love school.” Rory: “Not anymore!” Logan: “No, you love school. I saw it. That just doesn’t go away!” Rory insists that this is the “new her”. Then, the girls come over and take Rory away to dance with them so they won’t go home with Finn, and she tells Logan to order her a scoop of vanilla. Logan looks depressed and stares into the distance. Wow, he really doesn’t like new Rory. It’s like new Coke! Bring back Rory Classic! Please! I can’t wait for the fallout of this. She’s trying to turn herself into the perfect trophy wife for him, but that’s not why he fell for her so he’s gonna get bored with this and try to move away. Ha!

The Dragonfly Inn. Michel is checking out one of the bikers who is leaning on the reception desk. Michel is getting all squicked out and asks him to move his arm, and then proceeds to spray cleaner onto the desk and start cleaning in front of the guy. Bwah! I love Michel. Lorelai swoops in and tries to smooth things over, culminating in a tag-team effort to keep the sweaty biker from touching anything. Love it! Michel tells Lorelai that Emily called and wants to come over today to pick up the rest of Rory’s things.

We cut to Lorelai’s house and Emily walking up and knocking on the door. The door opens, and it’s…Michel! Emily is…confused by this. Michel explains that he was sent to open the door “like Benson” and that Lorelai doesn’t “keep the help informed” of her whereabouts. Emily wanders into Rory’s room and is shocked that Lorelai didn’t pack any of Rory’s things. Is Emily really that stupid? I mean, really? Bah, I’m enjoying the Emily/Michel banter, though. Michel: “If you want to continue talking to me, you’ll have to do it in woofs.” Emily: “You’ve been working with my daughter way too long.” Michel: “Don’t I know it.” In the lovely French drawl. Hee.

June 3^rd. In the courtroom. Richard and Charlie reminisce about how this quaint little courtroom reminds them of the “early days” practicing law. Wow, how….patronizing. Emily critiques Rory’s outfit as looking “a little more Mennonite” than she’d hoped. It’s really ugly. Ew. They call the courtroom to order for the State vs. Lorelai Gilmore. Charlie: “Who’s Lorelai Gilmore?” Rory has to explain that’s her real name. Wow, top lawyer. Really. The judge asks Rory to stand, and asks about the proposed sentence of 20 hours of community service. Both lawyers explain that it was a one-time youthful indiscretion, a childish lark. Yeah, okay, whatever. The judge then notes that Rory attends Yale. “Prestigious,” she says. “Yes, your honor,” replies Rory. Liar! You don’t go to Yale anymore! Liar! Eh, anyway, the judge goes on: “I take the law very seriously, and if there’s one thing I have very little tolerance for, it’s rich privileged children viewing the world as their private playground! I don’t care who you are! I don’t care who your family is! When you commit a crime, Miss Gilmore, there must be consequences…period!” The judge gives her 300 hours of community service to be completed in no more than 6 months, and 1 year probation. Rory stammers something about how she can’t do 300 hours because she has to get a job. A what? Rory, you’re living the easy life on your grandparents’ dime! You don’t have to get a job! The judge tells her she should have thought of that before joyriding on someone else’s boat. Yesss! Go judge! Whooo!!! Then Richard goes completely bat-crazy and starts yelling at Charlie and the judge. At this point, I was rooting for Richard to be held in contempt of court for this. He goes absolutely insane. Emily tries to calm him down, but he follows Charlie out of the courtroom, threatening violence. Emily: “Richard, you can’t kill him here…we’re in a courtroom!” Heh. That was funny.

Lorelai gets home to find a note from Emily taped to her front door. She grabs it, rips it up and throws it away from her. She goes into the house and finds notes taped to the answering machine, the entryway mirror, the water cooler, the refrigerator, the food inside the refrigerator, etc. Lorelai hits the play button on the answering machine and it’s Emily! She’s still somehow confused about why Lorelai didn’t rush home and pack up all of Rory’s things so Emily could take them, and Rory, away from her. She proceeds to read the note that she copied and left all over the house, since she apparently also made copies for herself. Lorelai goes into Rory’s room and dumps the rest of Rory’s things in a laundry basket. We cut to Richard and Emily’s bedroom in the middle of the night. Lorelai comes through the door and drops the laundry basket on the floor. Richard and Emily don’t understand why she’s there. She explains that Emily seemed very concerned about getting the rest of Rory’s things. So she brought over the rest of Rory’s things, and now she’s done. They try to pull the “we’re doing the right thing, you’re just not rational enough to understand that” card. Then Lorelai tells the story of the scorpion and the frog. A scorpion asks a frog for a lift to the other side of a pond. The frog says no, because the scorpion would sting him and he’d die. The scorpion says he won’t, because then they would both drown. So the frog relents, and the scorpion climbs on, and they make it halfway across. Then, the scorpion stings the frog and they start to drown. The frog asks why, and the scorpion replies, “Sorry, it’s just my nature.” Lorelai further demonstrates by pointing to herself, “Frog,” and pointing to them, “scorpion.” Emily pauses, then says, “I thought it was a turtle.” Lorelai waves it off and says that they won. They got the daughter they always wanted, the “new and improved Lorelai.” Richard deigns to say that they will still need Lorelai’s input on “certain matters.” Lorelai explains that her involvement ends with the laundry basket. She’s out, they can raise Rory now. Although, she will need the laundry basket back. Ha! I loved that line!

Outside Luke’s. Kirk is pleading with Luke to get the ring back because he thinks that the ring Luke bought is the one that Lulu might have liked. Kirk: “But that’s the one that I sort of remember her liking!” Luke refuses and starts to stalk off. Then, he sees Babette running up to him from the other side of the street. Yes, folks, Babette, Sally Struthers, running. Holding her chest. We laughed so hard at that. Because, honestly girls, who hasn’t had the need to hold yourself….together, so to speak, while running? I know I have. She’s desperate to know if there’s really a rift between Lorelai and Rory. Luke doesn’t really answer her, he says there was a “thing” but that they’ll be fine. Babette is satisfied and Luke leaves. Leaving Kirk and Babette. Kirk walks up to her, looks at her hand and says, “Nice ring.” Babette gives him a look and stalks off. Good Babette.

Lorelai’s house. Lorelai walks in, goes to the kitchen and gets a bottle of water from the refrigerator. She walks into Rory’s room, sits on the edge of her bed, looks shell-shocked for a second, and then throws the water bottle at the wall angrily. I have sooooo been there. Then, she crumples and sobs, her head in her hands. God, Lauren Graham’s an amazing actress. She hears the door open, looks up, and Luke yells, “Full moon, moment’s here, let’s go!” Way to have a ‘moment’, Luke. Dude. Lorelai wipes her tears away, tries to focus on the ‘moment’, and goes out to meet Luke. Closing credits.

So, next week. Rory on a road crew trading cigarettes and wondering why her mom's mad. Stupid stupid Rory. And Luke tells Rory about the engagement. Which she feels gives her the right to be snarky about it with her mom. Gah. Shut up, Rory! See y'all next week!