My sides of the conversation
Feb. 16th, 2007 04:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
megotelekJust for the record, the only way you will recognize who I'm talking to is if you are the one I was talking to. If that makes sense. It's the context that really matters, anyhow.
When I ask you which character you think I resemble most, that implies that I already identify with one or more of them. When you respond that 'they're all pathetic', that isn't exactly comforting. Nor is your claim that they're all 'children', when they are all older than me. Now I'm a pathetic child? Oh, wait, it gets better. When you tell me one character is attractive, and that another is 'sort of attractive, but, you know, large'.....ok, now I'm a pathetic fat child. I realize some of this is typical female overreaction, but right in the middle of one of a very dramatic and emotionally draining television show is not the time to make me insecure!
Speaking of insecure, why won't any of youbastards idiots call me back? It's been, what, two months now? I'm freaking either overqualified or underqualified for everything and I am absolutely sick of staring at my walls.
And, while we're on the subject, I'm still not getting unemployment benefits because SOMEBODY suddenly decided they overpaid me back in freaking 2003 and now is apparently the time to punish me for that. Without real proof. I'm working on that right now but it's a little hard when nobody picks up the phone. So now I'm going to have to drive all over the place in my car with no gas in order to get information that should have been provided to me freaking months ago, thank you very much.
And you? Stop calling me at 8 in the flipping morning! I realize you don't have supercool Daylight Savings Time out inthe boondocks Arizona, but you know I'm in the Sunshine State! Therefore, 8 am is not cool! I do like to sleep, you know....and that's why you're suddenly getting my voicemail.
Oh, you. Trying to be friends who now have only friendship in common is tough enough, thanks for sticking with it. I feel lost now that I don't see you guys every day (with one exception), and to be honest, I think my llama marionette is trying to speak with me. Or I've been watching my Wonderfalls DVDs too much. Hard to say.
Speaking of which, I've been weirded out lately by the common traits linking TV and movie heroines I identify with. Of course they're stubborn, but they're also incredibly self-absorbed, highly emotional people who try desperately not to be. Or should try desperately not to be.
Am I selfish? I mean, I am an oldest child so there is some element of scrambling to keep the things I have because I'm afraid someone will take them from me, but that (I think) is normal. I guess I am selfish. I don't want to be in the shadows but I'm afraid of the spotlight. I'm stuck in this twilight world where I don't want to be a cookie cutter person but I don't want to be different either. I want to fit in but I want to walk the edge. I want to be wild and crazy and freewheeling but be in bed by 9.
I want to have everyone listen to me and understand me but I'm terrified to say what I mean. Because when I have in the past, people have gotten hurt. When I really, truly, speak my mind, I can have a vicious streak that sometimes frightens me. So I keep it buttoned up tight but it's in there like a vicious bird trying frantically to get free and peck someone's eyes out. I sound like I need therapy....but I really don't feel maladjusted.
When I ask you which character you think I resemble most, that implies that I already identify with one or more of them. When you respond that 'they're all pathetic', that isn't exactly comforting. Nor is your claim that they're all 'children', when they are all older than me. Now I'm a pathetic child? Oh, wait, it gets better. When you tell me one character is attractive, and that another is 'sort of attractive, but, you know, large'.....ok, now I'm a pathetic fat child. I realize some of this is typical female overreaction, but right in the middle of one of a very dramatic and emotionally draining television show is not the time to make me insecure!
Speaking of insecure, why won't any of you
And, while we're on the subject, I'm still not getting unemployment benefits because SOMEBODY suddenly decided they overpaid me back in freaking 2003 and now is apparently the time to punish me for that. Without real proof. I'm working on that right now but it's a little hard when nobody picks up the phone. So now I'm going to have to drive all over the place in my car with no gas in order to get information that should have been provided to me freaking months ago, thank you very much.
And you? Stop calling me at 8 in the flipping morning! I realize you don't have supercool Daylight Savings Time out in
Oh, you. Trying to be friends who now have only friendship in common is tough enough, thanks for sticking with it. I feel lost now that I don't see you guys every day (with one exception), and to be honest, I think my llama marionette is trying to speak with me. Or I've been watching my Wonderfalls DVDs too much. Hard to say.
Speaking of which, I've been weirded out lately by the common traits linking TV and movie heroines I identify with. Of course they're stubborn, but they're also incredibly self-absorbed, highly emotional people who try desperately not to be. Or should try desperately not to be.
Am I selfish? I mean, I am an oldest child so there is some element of scrambling to keep the things I have because I'm afraid someone will take them from me, but that (I think) is normal. I guess I am selfish. I don't want to be in the shadows but I'm afraid of the spotlight. I'm stuck in this twilight world where I don't want to be a cookie cutter person but I don't want to be different either. I want to fit in but I want to walk the edge. I want to be wild and crazy and freewheeling but be in bed by 9.
I want to have everyone listen to me and understand me but I'm terrified to say what I mean. Because when I have in the past, people have gotten hurt. When I really, truly, speak my mind, I can have a vicious streak that sometimes frightens me. So I keep it buttoned up tight but it's in there like a vicious bird trying frantically to get free and peck someone's eyes out. I sound like I need therapy....but I really don't feel maladjusted.
